Today has been a rough one. Today, like every day for the past week, my three year old cherub-faced boy has thrown a tantrum of epic proportions. We are in a season of screaming, and foot stomping that lasts longer than I have energy or patience for. Today, the trigger was simply that his shoes weren’t tight enough, and though I offered to tighten them, the screaming that ensued lasted forty-five minutes. FORTY.FIVE. During these explosions of feelings too large for my little guy to handle, I try my best to remain calm, and do what I can to make my way through the blood curdling screams without screaming myself.
Anyone that complains about the terrible twos has only one child that has not yet become three. Somewhere between the screaming and stomping he calmed enough for me to ask him a question.
“Are you ready to be held?” I asked, and inwardly winced, bracing myself for his response. As I asked the question though, I felt God ask me the same. You see, I’ve spent the last… I don’t know how long, trying to do all the things. I want to go to bed every night knowing my children feel loved, and my family feels supported. I want a clean house. I want approval. I want to feel accomplished. At my deepest core, I’m a people pleaser- and a God pleaser- constantly working to earn my place in their hearts. Maybe you can relate.
It’s not something I consciously do- and you probably don’t either. It’s the small voice in my mind telling me that the laundry should have been put away already, and the floor mopped. It’s the voice that tells me if I had just tried harder, things in just about every failed scenario I can think of would be different. It’s the grace that I strip from myself, believing I don’t deserve it- even if Jesus died for it.
It’s futile to try and earn favor with God, when we already have it. We are righteous in Him. Forgiven. Free. You probably know this. I know this. Our places in the Father’s heart are secure and unchangeable. And yet…my head continues to wrestle with the unspoken belief that if I just do more- for Him, for everyone- that my worth somehow increases. Oh, with my mouth I’ll tell you that Jesus did all the work on the cross. I’ll nod my head and tell you how confident I am of this- because I AM confident of this. In my day to day life though? I still try to earn it.
So today, I’ve decided to stop stomping my feet and screaming that I can do it all- that I can earn my way into the good graces of Jesus, because I’m already there. Today, I’m going to rest in His arms, and be held. Because today, I’m ready- and just as I stood waiting with my arms outstretched for my sweet boy to come running, I know He’s waiting for me to do the same. He’s ready for you too. Are you ready to be held?
Friends- would you do me a favor? If you feel like this post helped you, or that it might help someone else, would you share it on Facebook or your social media accounts? It’s an honor to serve you in this way, as always, and my prayer is that somehow, my words are a blessing to you.